Embracing the Taboo - Exploring Shame Kinks in BDSM

Just like ice cream, kink comes in an impressive array of flavours. Some prefer to stick to vanilla, maybe adding a few sprinkles for extra pizzazz. Others like to go all out with a huge multi-flavoured sundae topped with cream, sauce, and a sparkler. Like ice cream, kink is subjective and what one person likes another may hate. 

As long as it’s legal and everyone involved consents, you can get your kink on in any way you like. Maybe you’re into dress-up and enjoy wearing lacy stockings under your outfit, or perhaps you enjoy being strapped to a bench and caned until your buttocks are red raw. Some like to crawl around on the floor and pretend to be puppy dogs, while others get their kicks by wrestling in a pool full of jelly. Your kink is your kink, so why not learn to embrace it?

Understandably embracing your kink is sometimes easier said than done, and that’s because certain activities are considered taboo. Some kinks and fetishes are deemed more “acceptable” than others but who are we to judge? We say it’s better to explore shame kinks and embrace taboos rather than demonize demean, or mock kinky acts that may seem outlandish or unusual.

BDSM Basics

Before we delve into the more extreme side of things, let’s take a minute to go over the basics. BDSM stands for Bondage/Discipline, Dominance/Submission, Sadism/Masochism, and covers just about everything to do with kinky fun. Some engage in BDSM as part of a 24/7 D/s (Dom/sub) relationship, for others, it’s just a way to have fun in the bedroom or at a kink party.  

Dynamics vary but BDSM typically involves an element of power exchange where one person takes the lead and the other follows. Dynamics vary but common ones include Master/Mistress and slave, Top and bottom, Dominant and submissive, Rigger and bunny (used by those engaging in rope bondage), and Handler and pet. 

Regardless of the relationship or dynamic, trust and mutual respect are key. Safety is paramount too and all scenes or play should be negotiated in advance. Expectations must be outlined, boundaries must be set, and consent must be agreed upon. Players should also identify safe words/signals as a rule of thumb the word amber (or yellow) signifies slow down and red means play should stop immediately.

Identifying and accepting your kink

How you view your desires could be based on numerous factors, such as upbringing and past experiences. If you were brought up in a household where sex and intimacy were rarely discussed or frowned upon you may have a blinkered view of what’s acceptable. Past experiences can also play a part, especially the negative ones. You might have tried things before that haven’t gone to plan, so understandably, you’ll have mixed feelings about trying again.

The key is to take things slowly. The first step in embracing a “taboo kink” is identifying what you like. Don’t worry, you don’t have to shout from the rooftops that you fancy being tied to a chair and tickled with a feather duster – simply accepting it yourself is a step in the right direction.

Do your homework, read up on kink, and visit a few websites to educate yourself.

In the past, you might have read and heard things that have put you off playing in a certain way. Try to be open-minded and remember, it’s ok to embrace your kink, as long as you’re not imposing it on or involving others without their consent.

A-Z of extreme kinks and fetishes

We’ve got the measure of BDSM, so now we’ll explore the kinks considered a little more wild than mild. Check out our kinky A-Z for the juicy lowdown of play designed to thrill. Buckle up, you might find one or two push you out of your comfort zone.

A is for anal and age play

Be it anal sex or anal play, for some bum fun is a real turn-on. Whether it’s a penis, dildo, butt plug, or anal beads you’re inserting it’s a good idea to use lube for better slide and glide.

A is also for age play. This BDSM activity involves role-playing a scene where the sub acts in an immature fashion using age-appropriate clothes or props to play the part e.g. a sub might wear diapers and suck a pacifier.

B is for bondage and breath control

Bondage can be gentle or brutal depending on the implements used. Opt for silk ties to loosely bind the wrists and ankles or restrain a wayward sub with thick leather cuffs. Vac beds are great too (rubber bags a sub climbs into before the Dom sucks the air out resulting in complete body restriction), but they’re not for newbies!

Breath play is edgy too and involves limiting a sub’s oxygen intake via smothering, strangulation, etc. 

C is for CNC and CBT

CNC (consensual non-consent) refers to play that’s consensual but appears to be non-consensual e.g. an abduction or rape scene.

Our other C stands for CBT (cock and ball torture). In CBT the Dominant causes pain and discomfort to their partner's penis and testicles.

D is for dungeons and D/s

If you want to restrain and flog a sub there’s no better place than a dungeon. Purpose-built BDSM venues are offering a wide range of equipment and a safe space for players.

D/s stands for Dominance and submission. This can be a casual setup where playmates come together and play out a role for a scene. Some take D/s further by engaging in a 24/7 ownership and control relationship.

E is for enemas and erotic humiliation

Having a pipe lodged in your butt, and enduring water flushing out your system is not for the faint-hearted, but enema play is a popular form of medical play.

Erotic humiliation involves degrading a partner during sex or play by e.g. swearing or belittling, pulling hair, forced masturbation, etc.

F is for figging and financial domination

To engage in figging you take a ginger root, peel it and then shove it into your partner’s vagina, penis, or anus. This causes a stinging sensation they won’t forget in a hurry.

Financial domination involves a sub or slave gifting cash or goods to a Dominant (usually referred to as a FinDom) for mutual pleasure. This can incorporate financial blackmail too.

G is for golden showers and gunplay

If you enjoy the feeling of being peed on or peeing on someone else, you’re not alone. Golden showers are popular among water sports fans, and some enjoy drinking the nectar too.

Gunplay is another extreme form of edge play and involves using a gun (we suggest a fake firearm) to enhance a scene.

H is for hogties and human furniture

Hogties are intense and best practiced by experienced bondage enthusiasts. The sub lies on their front with their arms and legs bent behind and wrists and ankles bound together.

If a sub is serving as human furniture, they are offering themselves as inanimate objects e.g. footstools, tables, etc.

I is for impact and interrogation

Impact play can be light and fluffy or uncomfortable and extreme, for instance, a sound caning or whipping can cause painful welts and bruises.

Interrogation involves the Dominant questioning, baiting, and abusing the sub. This type of role-play could be used to enhance an abduction scene.

K is for knife play and kinbaku

Knives can be used for fear play and as a sensory tool. The blade of a knife dragged over bear flesh can prove tantalizing. Some take this further by scratching and cutting.

Kinbaku is translated to “tight binding” and is a form of Japanese bondage using intricate rope patterns.

L is for lactophilia and leg worship

If you like the idea of suckling on a pair of breasts or sipping breast milk, you’re probably into lactophilia.

As the name suggests, leg worship relates to a submissive adoring a pair of pins. This could involve simply kneeling and admiring or massaging, caressing, and kissing the legs.

M is for mummification and Mummy Dommes

Two types of mummies for this one! Mummification is the act of restricting the sub from head to toe. This could be achieved by using bondage tape or pallet wrap.

Mummy Dommes are females who take on a parental and authoritative role, dominating and nurturing their submissive play partners.

N is for needles and nose torture

Needles are used during medical play to pierce the skin. Needles can be applied to create patterns in areas such as the back, chest, and butt. The result is usually eye-catching, but be warned – there will be blood.

Nose torture involves inserting hooks into the nose and pulling up the nostrils.

P is for pegging and pet play

Pegging is a sexual technique whereby one partner (usually the vagina owner) straps on a dildo to penetrate their lover’s butt hole.

Pet play can cover an array of creatures including ponies, dogs, and cats. The sub typically dresses and acts like their chosen pet, with the Dom issuing commands and facilitating play.

R is for rope bondage and ruined orgasms

Rope is a versatile bondage tool and can be used to restrict the sub in numerous positions. At an advanced level, subs can be suspended too.

The ruination of orgasms can be frustrating for the sub, and the Dominant can take great delight in teasing and tormenting their playmate until they are ready to burst.

S is for scat play and sploshing

Scat play involves poop, be that defecating on the sub, forcing the sub to eat faeces, or encouraging the sub to play with the brown stuff.

Sploshing also involves getting messy but in a different way. People take delight in getting wet and messy by sploshing in jelly, custard, baked beans, slime, etc

T is for trampling and temperature play 

Imagine a heeled shoe pressing down on your bare back or chest or being stood on – in BDSM that’s known as trampling, and some people love it.

Temperature play involves using heat and cold to tease and torment, ice is commonly used, and if a sub is blindfolded, they can enjoy an element of sensory deprivation too.

U is for urination and unclean socks

Urination is a kink involving the use of urine. The sub might wet their pants or be peed on, drink pee, or play in pee.

Unclean socks don’t spring to mind as an obvious kink but some find the pong of sweaty socks arousing.

V is for violet wand and voyeurism

A violet wand delivers electrical shocks in varying degrees of intensity (depending on the setting). The sub could experience anything from a mild tickle to a powerful jolt.

Voyeurism is the act of watching others as they go about their business, be it sex, BDSM, or even mundane everyday tasks such as sweeping the floor.

W is for wax and wrestling

Wax can be used to create patterns when dripped onto the sub’s body. However not all candles are suitable, so don’t grab the ones from your dining table! You’ll need specific soy candles as these burn at a lower temperature. Make sure to do your research!

Wrestling can be fun too, whether you get a thrill from being pinned and made to feel helpless or get a kick out of manhandling your opponent.

X is for Xray

X-rays might not be a kink as such, but many an X-Ray has been taken showing a random item, such as a bottle, mobile phone, and many other intriguing items pushed into an anus for sexual pleasure.

Y is for yiffing

Yiffing involves sex between two furries, and is named after the sound foxes make during sex. A furry is someone with an interest in anthropomorphized animals (animals who have been given human characteristics, like an ability to talk or walk on their hind legs). Some furries dress in full furry suits whereas others don clothing or accessories associated with their furry persona or “fursona”. It is important to note that despite in media often being portrayed as primarily a sexual fetish, a large portion of furries maintain a non-erotic interest in the subject.

Z is for Zoophilia

The last one is extremely contentious and should remain firmly in fantasy territory only. Zoophilia involves fantasizing about sexual play with animals. 

 

Existing alongside your kink

For some, kinky fun remains in the bedroom or at an event. Others prefer to incorporate their kink more regularly. If you have a thing for wearing a suspender belt or latex gloves you might be able to do this daily. However, if your kink is more extreme this is going to be trickier.

You also need to give some thought to sharing your kink with others, in particular with partners or lovers. If you’re keen to engage in certain types of play with your other half you’re going to have to come clean about your likes. This isn’t easy but try and keep things light.

Open up the discussion by setting time aside to talk about fantasies and sexual interests. You could suggest watching a movie or reading from a novel that involves your kink, or talking about it e.g. “I watched a naughty movie about spanking the other day and it turned me on, I would love to try that at some point.”  Alternatively, you could just try the direct approach e.g. “I’ve always fantasized about being smothered in chocolate sauce and having it licked off.”

Exploring and expanding your kink

Once you’ve learned to own your kink you can relax into it and expand your horizons. You may prefer to keep your kink to yourself and explore on your own in the privacy of your own home. Alternatively, you may share with a partner and enjoy exploring kinks together. Braver souls can venture onto the BDSM scene and connect with like-minded friends online or at munches (social gatherings for kinksters), club events, and kink parties.

Take it slowly, enjoy the ride, and remember – if it’s legal and all involved have consented you have nothing to worry about. Treat the world of kink like an ice cream store and get busy savouring all the different flavours!